5 Ways I'm Trying to Teach Myself Patience in the Classroom
As a Perimenopausal College Professor, I’m in Need of a Lesson
Today in class I was helping students and, well, I got a little snippy.
It’s hard not to. I work really hard to be clear. I try to get their attention in class. I post announcements. I organize my courses logically and with great detail. I even post FAQs based previous semesters.
And yet, every semester, I find myself answering the same questions over and over and over again.
It’s maddening.
So what do I do when I feel like I’m doing all the right things and students still aren’t meeting me halfway?
Well, first I consider… maybe it’s me? Maybe I’m not clear. Could I have gotten their attention another way? Could I have posted it in another location?
But I’ll be honest, I always come to the same conclusion. It’s not me. It’s them. And I don’t come to that conclusion lightly. When I ask if they read the instructions, the answer is always no. When I ask if they reviewed the announcement… no. Did you check the FAQs? Also no.
So I’m here, writing as a form of self-therapy because there are a few things I need to remember:
1. My Responsibility vs. Theirs
I can give my students clear, accessible, well-organized information. That’s my responsibility.
Reading it is theirs.
I need to stop owning their choices. I’m here to help them learn, not do it for them. I can lead a horse to water, but I can’t make him drink.
2. Answer with the Where, Not the What
When students ask the same question I’ve already covered, I try to remember to tell them where that information is so they can find it themselves. Hopefully they realize it’s always within their power to figure it out.
As a people-pleaser, this is HARD for me. But I try things like:
“This was covered in Monday’s announcement. Go check it and let me know if you still have questions.”
“You’ll find this in the FAQs.”
“Read through the assignment instructions one more time, and then we can chat.”
The key is to respond like this without snapping at them. That’s the part I’m still working on.
3. Let Natural Consequences Happen
This one is really hard for me. Sometimes… you’ve got to let the due date pass. You’ve got to let the low score happen.
As a natural people-pleaser, I have to fight all my instincts to hold their hand. I have to remind myself, I’m not being mean. Lessons are often only truly learned through experience. Part of being a student is learning to manage your own process.
4. Patience Can Be Calm and Firm (Without Being Snippy)
Again, my inner people-pleaser needs to remember that patience isn’t always answering, always smiling, always absorbing their workload.
Real patience is calm, steady, consistent AND it has limits.
I need to calmly say:
“The instructions are posted. Please review them.”
Not:
“Sure! Let me walk you through that entire lesson again.”
Because I’m not doing them any favors by doing that.
5. It Will ALWAYS Be Frustrating
Even though I think I’ve built the perfect course, written the clearest instructions, and communicated perfectly (unrealistic, I know), I’m still going to get repeat questions.
I mean, answering questions is a big part of my job!
I just need to manage what’s actually in my control. I need to remind myself that this is part of the work, and it has absolutely nothing to do with me.
Students miss things. Sometimes because they’re rushing. Sometimes because they’re overwhelmed. Sometimes because they genuinely don’t know how to navigate a learning system.
Their struggle isn’t a reflection of me or my effort.
Real patience is staying calm and not taking it personally.
My job is to do the work, show up, and hold the line—without the snip.
WITHOUT THE SNIP.
hmpf, I feel better getting all that out of my head. And in case you are wondering. I called myself out on the snippiness in class. My students and I had a good laugh about it because deep down they know it’s them too. ;)
Good things for me to think about also when parenting teenagers and young adults.